in the ether



I went to the Mexican restaurant where you and I ate dinner together

remember we went as friends

I left my Mother’s side and pretended to visit the ladies room just so I could walk by the empty table where we dined and spoke of our past and a future of good works still left to do

I ran my hand across the chair you sat in

and I touched you in the ether

just once you would be my forbidden fruit if only I would let me

I could give in and let me

please if you love me don’t let me

you say to me “I will break your heart.” I say “I know.”

I bore you when you don’t get what you want and then you smile and I yearn in secret places

you tell me that you’re not emotionally available and ask me if I want you to make it easy on me

I know what that means or I should know what that means

I say “Yes, make it easy on me” but that only makes me want you more

and I know you know it

I climb the ladder to the loft when you’re gone just to see what little piece of you remains

the twin mattress on the floor

a grape Popsicle stick stuck to the carpet

I take in the remnants of your energy ever so slowly fading away

so clean

so clear

So male

I give you up every time you leave

I take you back in the same moment but you don’t know it ‘cause you’re not there

you won’t be bothered

you’re like the wind

I would never seek to change you

I love you as you are

an unconsummated desire

my brother

my Friend




And I the dove will fly in the rain

and I the dove will stand in the rain


And you the rain will come and go as you please

and you do

come and go as you please

and would you please

come and go as you please

for if you do

I will become the rain

and you will know how it feels

to be the dove again




I would climb the most pleasant branches of your tree

But not without permission

I would forsake my breath to dive into your deepest depths

But not without permission

I would follow you to the end of the earth

then past the sun and the moon and the stars in the heavens

But not without permission




When you were born in this generation

your parents named you well

but I saw you standing naked by the kitchen sink

so I gazed upon your perfect form

and in the blinking of an eye I could tell

to me you will be Adam

though others have entered my gates and doors and halls before you

you have become the first and last

a man created from earth and dust

yet never surpassed in this world




I’m blooming in your golden light

my tightly folded petals will only open for you

I tell the truth

my fragrance in the morning dew

is only meant for you

the nectar I am drowning in

is pleasure when it flows from you

now and forever

I am reaching toward your golden light

because you saved me from the longest night





How long must I wait for thee

my husband

and my lord

for I know that you want Rachael

and I am only Leah

move your great hand toward me

and decree

my entrance into your bedchamber

for I know that you want Rachael

and I am only Leah

I rose up in the morning light to bathe in your crystal spring

and am clothed in finest linen

now my husband and my lord may I anoint thy feet with healing oils of myrr and cinnamon

to walk barefoot through my fertile fields prepared for seeds of flax and hyssop

for I know that you want Rachael

and I am only Leah





Here am I slain by your beauty

slay me and slay me again

here am I finished in your blue sea

end me and end me again

here am I ruined by your laughter

ruin me and ruin me again

here am I wrecked in your wake

wreck me and wreck me again

here am I

forever slain

forever finished

forever ended

forever ruined

wrecked by your beauty

slay me and slay me again




You cry in my presence

it’s medicine

then you insist on putting oil in my truck

it’s medicine

you ask if you can come home with me

it’s medicine

three days later you drop into oblivion

don’t worry my love

it’s medicine

you show up at my door like a tomcat

I watch you sleep for day’s

and the life returns to your body

it’s medicine

how could I miss it

an anvil in the hands of my God

here to split my heart in two

don’t worry my love

it’s medicine




And if I be a prophet

He that is in me is greater

He outwits outlasts and outplays you

He out-night and out-days you

He had you from the beginning

He numbered your days I hear your time running out

can you hear your time running out

away with you

and if I be a prophet

it doesn’t matter what I do

it matters what He’s done

I know this to be true and factual

but you are used to fake unreal and un-actual

untrue and unnatural

the earth is in his hands

and you will not rip it out

He is Majesty

He is Greater

and if I be a prophet

of Him there can be no denying and there can be no doubt



You’re gone

a love so strawberry sweet bursts in my mouth

you are not mine

heaven’s fragrant fruit blossoms on my head

and runs down my hair

you don’t know cause you don’t care

my love has it been days

or minutes

has it been heartbeats or years

if it feels so cruel

why are there no tears

the hawk is back

it has a mate

I spent the day watching them build their nest

a little coffee

I roll a smoke

Reggae got me thinking on Jah

Reggae got me thinking on you and so dem drums keep drumming

a revolutions on the rise

my love it’s been days and days now

too many heartbeats not to be years

but then the rapture comes in waves of ecstasy

I hear your honey voice

and a love so strawberry sweet bursts in my mouth




I went down Reclamation Road to pray for you

Reclamation Road where the white men killed the red men not so long ago

I got a prophets word

let nothing touch thy lips for seven hours

two nights later when you still hadn’t shown

I went down Reclamation Road with a beautiful red man

my new friend

our peace-pipe turned to glass

and cracked

we shattered the night into morning light

I went home alone

I slept for hours

then I got a prophets word

there will be no conviction for this rekindled addiction

now I have the right

to fast that witch in this fight

we know her

the inveterate white line whore that broken souls go running with

I told you we were old enemies from the start and she is a jealous lover

I spent the next day and night jonesing for her and I couldn’t get any relief

then I got a prophets vision

a vision of a healer in need of healing

a beautiful soul

an undiscovered man

our meeting not random but part of a plan

I told the Father before I met you

that I love to watch him work

in fact I told him time and time again

the mystery of how you entered my life starts to become ever clearer

when I consider His ways I am humbled

brought to my knees brought to tears

for together we are a prophet who won’t speak the word

until the angel comes down to touch the tongue with a coal of fire

and a healer who has given everything away

and can’t heal himself because that’s not how this works

my love

we are walking down the road to reclamation

a road paved with the blood of good men

covered by the blood of one man

this will come back around

I know I will see you again


I’m vulnerable

put your hand on my heart

I’m dying here

pray with me before you go

then love me enough

to let me go

for a while

or ever

I’m literally




you will always have a million friends

but my love for you can’t get as small as you want it to be

I want everything

I am Ruth

the girl with pearls from an emerald green sea in her eyes

I’ll be no mans Leah

I will wait for Boaz

my husband and my lord